Feb 13, 2025
In the demanding world of student affairs, professionals are adept at supporting students through crises, but often overlook the need to extend similar care to each other. In this week's "SA Voices from the Field," Dr. Jill Creighton and Dr. Melinda Stoops delve into the complexities of navigating grief and loss within the field, offering strategic insights for supporting colleagues during challenging times.
Understanding the Impact of Grief in Higher Education
Grief is a ubiquitous human experience, but its management within the professional environment, especially in student affairs, can be particularly delicate. Dr. Stoops emphasizes the significance of acknowledging grief and understanding that everyone processes it differently. She encourages a culture of empathy and grace, suggesting that it's critical to check in with colleagues and provide space for them to express their needs without imposing judgments or preconceived notions.
Core Principles for Supporting Colleagues
Dr. Stoops and Dr. Creighton highlight the importance of treating individuals as whole beings, which is fundamental both in student interactions and among colleagues. This holistic approach considers physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, recognizing that well-being is multifaceted and interconnected.
Dr. Stoops shares practical strategies such as simple breathing exercises to help manage stress. Techniques like "rainbow breathing" and "box breathing" can be powerful tools for grounding oneself in the present moment, which can be crucial between back-to-back meetings or during particularly stressful periods.
Practical Strategies to Recenter and Refocus
Returning to fundamental wellness practices can significantly benefit professionals in student affairs. Dr. Stoops suggests incorporating short walks, breathing exercises, and even hydration breaks into the daily routine to maintain focus and manage stress. These strategies are designed to be quick and easily integrated into a busy workday, offering immediate relief and aiding in long-term well-being.
Supporting Supervisees and Supervisors
The relationship dynamics between supervisors and supervisees can play a crucial role in managing grief. Supervisors are advised to adopt a compassionate and flexible approach, allowing space for supervisees to express their needs and emotions. It's important for supervisors to be vulnerable and share their experiences appropriately, while maintaining professional boundaries and focusing on the needs of their team.
Similarly, supervisees are encouraged to check in with their supervisors, acknowledging the power dynamics but also offering support. This can help create a supportive and empathetic office culture where everyone feels valued and understood.
The Importance of Peer Support
Peer-to-peer support is equally vital. Colleagues should feel comfortable checking in with each other and offering help, understanding that different individuals may need varying levels of support. Simple gestures of checking in can make a significant difference, reinforcing a sense of community and collective care.
Moving Forward with Compassion
As student affairs professionals, it's essential to foster an environment where everyone feels supported, especially during times of grief and loss. By adopting these strategies and understanding the profound impact of empathy and compassion, the field can not only navigate the challenges of today but also build a resilient and caring community for the future.
Emphasizing the importance of holistic well-being, strategic check-ins, and compassionate support, this episode of "SA Voices from the Field" provides invaluable insights for higher education professionals striving to support each other through life's inevitable challenges.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Student Affairs Voices from the Field, the podcast where
we share your student affairs stories from fresh perspectives to
seasoned experts. Brought to you by NASPA, we curate free and
accessible professional development for higher ed professionals
wherever you happen to be. This is season 12, continuing our
journey through the past, present, and future of student affairs.
I'm doctor Jill Creighton, she, her, hers, your essay Voices from
the Field host. Just a quick note that we recorded this episode
prior to Melinda announcing her departure from Boston College. So
while she references her work at BC quite a lot, she just wanted to
let you know that she has moved to a new professional opportunity.
Today on SA Voices from the Field, we're going to be having a
conversation with one of our colleagues about how we navigate
tragedy and loss amongst ourselves. We spend so much time doing
this work with students that we often don't stop and think about
how to support each other in the process or when things happen that
are just part of the human experience.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:00:58]:
So I'm pleased to welcome Doctor. Melinda Stoops. As a licensed
psychologist, she entered higher education over twenty years ago as
the director of a college counseling center. For the past fifteen
years, she's served in various administrative roles in student
affairs, including as dean of students, associate vice president
for student affairs, and deputy title nine coordinator. Melinda
prioritizes student well-being in all of her work and is
particularly interested in increasing cross campus partnerships to
achieve a collective impact on student health and wellness. She
earned a PhD in counseling psychology from Indiana State University
and an MA in counseling psychology from Radford University, as well
as a BA in psychology from Smith College. Melinda, welcome to SA
Voices from the Field.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:01:37]:
Thanks so so much, Jill. I'm excited to be here.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:01:39]:
We are very glad to be talking to you today about the very
important topic and probably under discussed topic in our field
around how we support our colleagues going through trauma and
tragedy because we know that in our profession, we're seeing an
increase in that. We've been seeing that for quite a few years now.
But before we dive into our main topic today, we always like to get
to know our guests by asking you, how did you get to your current
seat?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:02:02]:
Oh, that's a great question. I entered higher education as a
director of a counseling center. I'm a psychologist. And so when I
graduated, I worked in a couple of different settings and just
really missed higher education and was fortunate to be able to be
hired as the director of a counseling center and then over time was
promoted and ended up making my way back into the mental health
focus through my work with student health and wellness. And so I've
been serving as the associate vice president for student health and
wellness at Boston College for a number of years and really find
it's a nice combination as a psychologist and as a higher ed
administrator.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:02:43]:
What does your portfolio currently include?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:02:46]:
Right now, I oversee the areas related to student health and
wellness, which includes university health services, primary care
sports medicine, the counseling center, the center for student
wellness, and I also work closely with a care team that works with
students impacted by sexual violence. And I also serve as the
university deputy title line coordinator.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:03:08]:
That's a lot on your plate right now.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:03:10]:
It is. There are some days where it feels like more than others,
but that's the nature of the beast, I guess, in higher
education.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:03:16]:
And eventually, we'll do another episode on the title nine updates.
It's been a minute, but I would imagine that we're gonna see some
additional changes to the proposed rules at some point very soon,
and that will be another set of challenges for us to navigate as a
field.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:03:31]:
Definitely. That feels like it's a constantly moving piece of work
that we need to adjust to.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:03:36]:
Yeah. For about the last twenty years or so, I think there's been a
rule change every time there's been an administration change. But
with all of the kind of well-being components on your plate right
now, our profession is really wholly and solely focused on the weld
wellness and well-being of our students, which is where we've been
focused and where we should be focused. But oftentimes, we don't
necessarily translate or apply that same care or those same
strategies of care to our teams or our staff members or those of us
that interact regularly with trauma. And that happens for a lot of
us in student affairs. But also we have our own worlds that are
going at the same time as we're exhibiting care for our students.
And I know personally we've had quite a bit of loss in the field as
of late, loss and tragedy, and just people navigating their own
personal needs around, trauma and grief. And so I'm looking forward
to talking to you today about how we can translate some of that
work, and apply that to, the people that we work with day in and
day out.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:04:36]:
So why don't we start with what are some of the core principles
that you think are most critical when we're working with students
in a care setting, not from a psychological perspective?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:04:46]:
Not from a clinical perspective. So in terms of our work with
students, I think we look at student and well-being as as a whole
person, that well-being encompasses many different elements. So a
lot of times we think about that as a physical element of
well-being, but also emotional, spiritual. There's a lot of
different dimensions of well-being, and we'll see different models
for that. Some have seven dimensions, some have nine. But the
bottom line is they all recognize that we have more than one way of
being healthy. And so it's really when we look at an individual's
wellness, whether it's a student or an individual who's not a
student, we really wanna look at it in terms of the whole person.
And also, really, as much as we can from a prevention framework and
and not waiting for things to escalate it and get to the point
where it becomes an emergency, but really look at it early on.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:05:38]:
If if someone's not doing well, what can we do to help them take
care of themselves and and learn good self care as a foundation for
everything moving forward?
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:05:48]:
You mentioned there's a couple of models with varying dimensions.
Do you have any models that you particularly rely on in your day to
day practice?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:05:55]:
Well, here at Boston College, our Center for Student Wellness does
a great job of prevention work, and they really simplified it into
just keeping it in three areas. And so they drill down from from
other models, but basically trying to get students to think about
wellness in terms of mind, body and soul. And so it's an easy way
to just zoom in and make it simple rather than having to remember
seven to nine different areas. And so if you think about the mind
can be stress management, it can be self talk, mental health,
things you do, the body, of course, it's a physical body, and then
the soul, what nourishes your soul, whether it's something
spiritual or whether it's something like being with your friends
can nourish your soul as well. And so we keep it very basic in
terms of those three things, and it's really easy to keep those in
mind as as you're thinking about self care.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:06:46]:
Are there any tried and true practices that you have in the
wellness space and the prevention lens that have served you really
well over the years and through generations of college
students?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:06:55]:
I think the things that serve us the best are the most basic, most
simple things. The the more complicated you get, like anything,
it's it's harder to pick up and harder to carry on and continue
with. So one thing that I think is a good tried and true that is
really helpful is the idea of breathing and doing this and teaching
it in different kinds of ways. So there are something very simple
called rainbow breathing, where you picture almost moving your
finger along a rainbow and that you breathe in as you go up the
rainbow and then breathe out as you go down, if that makes sense,
the arc of the rainbow. And so you can do that where you follow
each color on the rainbow and then repeat it. And the idea is it's
having you sort of slow your breathing and focus on your breathing.
There's a technique called box breathing, which is also very
popular right now. And it's the idea of picturing a box and you
breathe in on one side, breathe out on the other, and hold your
breath at one point.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:07:54]:
And the bottom line is the idea of having people really focus on
their breathing and controlling your breathing can be really
helpful in a couple of ways. One, it makes you focus on the
present. So you're not distracted by everything else that's going
on, what's bothering you at the moment, but just really being
attuned to the moment. And, also, it can be really helpful in
managing anxiety, for example. Sometimes when you're anxious, your
breathing can be affected. And so, again, slowing your breathing,
relaxing can help you calm down in the moment. So I think that's
something that you see a lot of people doing is a lot of
practitioners focusing on breathing exercises. And, again, even
thinking of simple things you can do with movement, we're not
focused on go out and run that marathon or go out and run three
miles.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:08:41]:
It's like just move, go for a walk in between classes or just get
up and stretch or and be you know, the things that you can do that
are short and sort of get you moving and help you feel better in
the short run. So I think there are more complicated things that
that we can do, and and there are things that certainly, we teach
our students in lots of different ways. But the idea of just these
short things that can make you feel better in the moment can go a
long way. Also, one thing that we do here at BC, and and I know is
becoming increasingly popular, is the idea of health coaches, but
not like you picture a coach at a gym or where your team, but
student peer coaches that can talk to you about nutrition,
exercise, stress management, and short, like, half hour sessions
and give you some tips peer to peer on it. And students have really
found that helpful.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:09:34]:
Would you mind taking us through a rainbow breathing exercise? I
think that might be really valuable for our listeners. They can
probably do this wherever they're listening. Sure.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:09:42]:
I'd be happy to do so. So one thing you can do, if it's helpful for
you, is to actually take a pencil and piece of paper and draw a
rainbow. And so I would suggest if you're doing that, that you
picture maybe five arcs on the rainbow just to keep it simple. So
five lines if you picture. And if you don't draw it out, just
picture the five lines and picture how at the top of the rainbow,
the top one is bigger than the one below it if you picture and so
the how it goes smaller. And so what you're going to do is take
your finger, and in a minute, we'll do this together. But you're
going to start at the bottom left corner of the rainbow, and you're
going to trace the arc of the rainbow and trace it all the way back
down to the bottom where you're on the other side. And then on that
side, what you can do is then keep your finger on that side and go
to the next arc right below it, and then you're going to trace that
up and all the way across to the other side.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:10:43]:
And then you're going to do that again for the smaller one, and
then we'll do that along the five. And how I like to do it is
tracing it up and go down, and then start at the bottom and go back
up to the top. So you sort of have two cycles of the rainbow. And
so when you're at the top arc, I'll breathe in. And then when you
get to the top of whatever arc you're on, you breathe out. So I'll
take you through it right now, and I'll trace a rainbow and just
picture tracing a rainbow along with me. And I will walk you
through it verbally for the first round, and then the second round,
I'll let you pace yourself with the breathing, if that makes sense.
So we're going to start with the outer.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:11:24]:
So you're going to go up the rainbow, breathe in. Now we're at the
top and breathe out. Now move over to the next one and breathe in
and breathe out. Now we're gonna go up, breathe in, Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. And breathe out.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:12:11]:
And now do it on your own starting with the inner arc, and then
I'll do my own and we'll stop together. Just keep tracing your
rainbow. Hey. How did that work for you, Jill?
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:12:52]:
I feel very relaxed suddenly. I like learning in these ways because
while we do this for the benefit of our listeners, I also get the
benefit of it as we're going along.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:13:02]:
Yeah. I do too. Like, when I stop and do it, I'm like, okay. Now I
can relax. And so you don't necessarily need a rainbow to do this.
As I said, you just trace it on on any surface with your finger or
even picture it in the air. But a rainbow is nice to look at when
you're doing it as well. And really, you're just inhaling and
exhaling and focusing on your breathing.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:13:22]:
And that's really the trick to it.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:13:23]:
So this is one thing that we can all do as people to come back to
the moment or to the present when there's stress going on, when
things are are hard and it's such a fast thing we can do. I know
it's very, very difficult for for those of us who have, like, back
to back calendars or are just running from crisis to crisis or
difficult moment to difficult moment. And this takes thirty
seconds, one minute to recenter. So I think that's a good
thing.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:13:47]:
Yeah. And that's an excellent point if you think about it. And if
you're in back to back meetings and someone says, oh, you know,
there's a student here to see you. You can say, tell them I'll be
right out. And if you needed to take a minute to do the rainbow
breathing, no one would even notice that there was this huge delay
in you coming out. So it really is a nice way to regroup between
meetings if you need to.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:14:07]:
Are there other strategies that you might offer for professionals
to find that moment to bring their best selves to the next student
they're working with?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:14:15]:
Well, that's a great question. I think just walking is a great one.
And you don't have to go out and do a big walk. Like, even if it's
just doing a loop around the office or walking downstairs real
quick and right back up. Again, it gets your heart going. If you're
feeling sort of tired, it'll get your blood flowing and make you
feel alert afterwards. So I feel like that's something that can be
really helpful too to just help you get moving and regroup. And,
also, if if you're distracted by something that's on your mind, it
can be good because when you're walking, you'll probably just
notice things around you, which can be a different type of
distraction.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:14:51]:
So as you're walking, you can intentionally say, okay. I'm gonna
pay attention to what I'm hearing and and what I'm seeing as I'm
walking to just distract myself from whatever is is in the back of
my mind that I wanna leave behind me for the next meeting. And so
that's another great example as well. And also just stop and get a
drink of water. We all talk about being hydrated, but I think also
just, again, focusing on the physical sensation of drinking
something can, again, draw your attention to that. So what you're
trying to do is sort of ground yourself in different kinds of ways
that could be helpful.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:15:23]:
So as I mentioned at the top of the episode, one of the goals in us
introducing your voice to the SA Voices audience was to give us
some some good strategies for how to navigate tragedy amongst
ourselves. Because we know how to do it when we're supporting
students. We don't necessarily know how to do it when we're
supporting each other. So can you talk to us a little bit about how
that works in your world and any advice you have for those of us
that are working through both elements?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:15:52]:
Grief, whether it's a form of a death or some type of other type of
tragedy is really, really hard. And I think first of all,
especially in the in the workforce where everyone brings something
different to the plate, and we don't know what someone's past
experience in in dealing with loss has been like or what they're
coming in with. So I think, one, recognizing that and giving each
other grace to sort of be themselves and to take care of themselves
in the way they need to take care of themselves, I think can be
really, really helpful for starters. And I also think checking in
with people and and how are you doing, what do you need, how's your
day going can be really, really helpful. So for starters, I think
it's really about checking in with folks and recognizing that what
I need could be very different from what you may need or what
someone else does. And so if they say, oh, I need this, my job
isn't their question whether they really need that or not. It's
like, okay. Thank you for telling me, and let's see if we can get
that for you.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:16:59]:
So I think the caretaking, there can be lots of different layers to
it and with different people in the workforce, lots of different
ways that it plays out.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:17:08]:
That checking in with people, I think, is is such a critical
moment, especially if you're in a supervisory capacity to be able
to say, I'm here as a human being to a human being first and
foremost rather than a supervisor. And we know that we can't take
that identity off. That's not something that we can that we can put
to the side just from the environment that we're occupying, but
it's a good space to be able to to do that. And also, I think gives
the person being asked the space to answer that question how they
feel, feel like they have the capacity to answer that question. So
I'm wondering if you have advice as a supervisor, how you would
approach that knowing that every person being asked that question
is gonna have a different sense of boundaries at work or a
different sense of how they would feel safe responding to that
question. Yeah.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:17:48]:
That's a great question. I mean, I think first of all, you're right
that at work, we all have different boundaries. We have different
relationships with our supervisees that even though someone may
supervise five people, for example, their relationships are
different with those five people. And so I don't think there's any
type of canned script you should use. But I think recognizing your
relationship, I think one, it's important to acknowledge it and to
check-in about it. And someone might say, I'm fair, I'm fine, or I
don't want to talk about it. And I think we respect that if they
don't want to talk about it. But you can also say, well, if at any
point you feel like you wanna talk about it, that I'm here for you,
or here are some other resources and letting them know what
resources exist.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:18:32]:
And more and more you see colleges and universities having EAP
programs or someone on campus that's more of a confidential
resource if they need to talk to someone. So there can be good
resources you can point someone to if they don't want to talk to
you as a supervisor, there could be someone else who feels more
comfortable engaging with you about it. And I think this is where I
think you have to rely on your judgment in the moment about what
makes the most sense. But if something is a recent loss, then maybe
that supervision session just you just need to listen to your your
staff person talk about what they're needing and and how they're
grieving. And if there's one or two things you need to take care
of, then we can get to those quickly. But, really, if this is what
you need today from me is to listen to you and to support you, I
can do that even though that's not what we normally do for the
whole session. That's okay today because it makes perfect sense
this is what you need. Also, though, I think if something's
happening in the workplace that you as a supervisor also likely
impacted.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:19:35]:
And so I think that's where it can be a balance where I think one,
it's important to take care of yourself and you find out what you
need to do to take care of yourself, whether it's talking to
someone on campus or someone off campus. But also, it's fine to
acknowledge with someone you're supervising that you're having a
hard time to, it doesn't mean you should take that whole session
and and make it about you because that's not what they need right
then. But I think it's okay to be like, yeah, I'm really hurting
too. And, like, if they say something that actually resonates with
you or you had a similar reaction, I think it's okay to share that
because they're not your client that, like, if you're a therapist,
they're not your client or they're not the student that you take
care of, you're in a different role. And I think being genuine with
them can be really helpful as you're dealing with things as well.
But being mindful that as you meet with them, that you are their
supervisor, and really, it should be more about helping them than
them helping you, if that makes sense. Because you can get help
from your supervisor or from somewhere else. So it's not that you
have to hold everything yourself, but sort of recognizing the the
different roles and giving them permission to do what they need to
do.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:20:46]:
And at the same time, display a willingness to be vulnerable if
it's the right thing for that relationship. Yeah. Given that you're
clinically trained and so many of your team members are, what
advice do you have for others in student affairs who have clinical
training, who are trying to offer support in the moment in that
supervision relationship without exceeding the boundaries of what
that is and maybe accidentally or inadvertently sliding into that
clinical space when that's not what you meant to do?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:21:10]:
Oh, that's a great question because I think boundaries are really,
really important. And so I think it's one thing to say to someone,
you've seemed like you're really struggling this week, and and I'm
concerned about you. And I want to check-in and see how you're
doing. And And is there anything we can do here that would be
helpful for you as opposed to taking on the clinical role and
trying to dive deeper into what is it that's distressing them so
much and and helping them work through it. That's not your role.
But I think your role can be to acknowledge it and to help them
connect with resources, which are not you. Like, you're not the
therapy support you're advising them to. It's to the EAP.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:21:53]:
And they may choose to say, no. I don't wanna see the EAP, and
that's their right as well. And so I really think it's really
important to be mindful of your role. With that said, I think
people with a clinical background, as part of our training, we have
talked a lot about boundaries and and and knowing our role. And so
I think that just that foundational training is really helpful in
just reminding yourself that they're not your clients and that even
if you're not practicing, that they're not even your student in a
way, you may take care of them in a different kind of way, that
they're your colleague. They may be someone you're supervising.
They may be just a colleague across the hall who wants to talk to
you. And so be mindful that I think we bring things to the table
that can be helpful, such as strong listening skills and being
empathetic and knowing of resources in a way that some other people
might not, but we're not there to help them work through the grief
process.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:22:53]:
That's not our role.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:22:54]:
Let's talk about it from a peer to peer perspective. Maybe it's
your direct colleague or somebody that is in a different department
that you that you wanna be able to check-in with because you know
something's happened. And maybe the distance of that relationship
is different. Right? We all have colleagues at work who we're very
close to from a work perspective, and we have colleagues that were
maybe just more adjacent to, and that's pretty normal, especially
in a large matrix organization. What advice and tips do you have
for checking in and following up and providing support, knowing
that grief is something that carries longevity. And in my
experience, anyway, a lot of times people can be very strong at the
beginning with checking in. But as we get further and further away
from the moment where the the critical event occurred, we sometimes
kind of back away just over time.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:23:37]:
Yeah. And I think at some level, that's natural that people's needs
may change and people may need fewer check ins as time goes on. But
I do think that, again, thinking how everyone's different, we can't
necessarily make assumptions. So for starters, I'd say checking in
is better than not checking in. That even if someone's like, I'm
fine, I don't need to talk about it. At some level, there's often
the appreciation that you checked in even if they don't wanna talk
about it. Because an absence of a check-in might signify like, they
might think you don't care or that you're not thinking of them. So
I think it's okay to check-in.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:24:13]:
It's also okay to say, you can check-in and not know what to say.
You don't have to have the right words, and you could even be
transparent and say, I'm checking in. I don't really know what to
say or what you need, but I've been thinking about you, and I'm
just checking in on how you're doing. And and that can go a long
way as well that as a peer, you don't have to have the answers. You
don't have to know anything about helping them other than just
acknowledging that you're there and and asking them if there's
anything you can help with or or what do they need. And I think
that's really important. I think sometimes people avoid checking in
because they worry they'll say the wrong thing or they won't know
what to do when I think most times that check-in in and of itself
is really, really meaningful. And you're right that over time, we
naturally stop checking in, and and that sort of trails off.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:25:04]:
And there's a point where people don't need check ins anymore. Now
with that said, everyone's different. So I think if there are times
where there might be a natural point to check-in. So for example,
it might be that this person had a certain role on campus, and
there was an event that came up that would remind everyone of of
this person because they're not there to do that, that might be a
natural point to check-in and say, hey, I was thinking about so and
so today because of this, and how are you doing? And so sometimes I
think there are natural ways of checking in.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:25:36]:
Let's go for the kind of the third version of this relationship,
which is you're the supervisee and, you know, your supervisor has
experienced something maybe you haven't. What is the the role of
the supervisee in this case, knowing that that power dynamic does
exist? And how can that check-in feel most appropriate or be best
acknowledged?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:25:54]:
And I think, again, the idea of checking it in and just saying, for
example, if it's a loss they experienced that you didn't, is
saying, I know you were close to this person, or I know we work
closely with this person, or just sort of acknowledging that that
relationship exists. And I just wanted to check-in and see how
you're doing. And, you know, I know that that's your supervisor.
But, again, unless it's your first day of work, you have no
relationship with your supervisor. The idea is that you're checking
in and asking them how they're doing. I think that, again, they
would appreciate the check-in. They might not go into a lot of
details and spend the whole time talking about it. But I think just
even acknowledging that and saying, like, hey.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:26:32]:
I'm thinking of you and even just something concrete. Like, if
there's anything you want me to help with work wise, I'm happy to
pick something up if you need a little time. And so, again, giving
them an option of them saying, oh, you know what? At the end of
this week, there's a this event I'm supposed to go to. And if you
could do that instead, it would be great for me to just be able to
leave and go home on time that day. And so I think sometimes just
there are different ways of helping and sometimes the gift of time
and being able to step away so that you can process things is
really helpful.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:27:03]:
Are there any other strategies or kind of approaches that you'd
like to share when we're navigating grief and tragedy amongst
ourselves?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:27:10]:
It's so tough. And I'll go back to, again, that everyone is
different. So I think we need to just be very careful not to make
any judgments about how someone's responding. And that could be on
either side that there may seems look like there's someone who's
not really impacted by it when in fact, we don't know what they're
thinking or feeling, and we shouldn't make assumptions about
someone else's experience. And so also on the flip side, grief,
there's no there's enough timeline where I can tell you, oh, in two
months, you're gonna feel better or in six months or whatever. And
so everyone agrees differently and on different timelines. And so
if you may feel that you're doing better, and starting to move
forward and not feel sad every time you come into the office, but
that doesn't mean everyone else is moving forward. And so I think
we need to recognize that we have a shared experience.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:28:01]:
But yet within that shared experience, everyone is in their own
timeline and their own process. And so being accepting of that is
really, really important. And these points in in the grief cycle
can also you may feel you're doing better and then something
happens that can set you back a bit. So for example, one thing I
lost a colleague years ago. She passed away suddenly. And one thing
that struck me at the time was when her office was cleaned out, we
hit me that she had passed away because we had her office hadn't
been touched for a few weeks after her passing, and then everything
got cleaned out. And seeing the empty office was sort of bringing
up everything again. And so things like that or even work tasks
needing to be divided or do you bring someone in the interim role?
There can be lots of things that that sort of step backwards as we
step forward.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:28:54]:
So recognizing that we certainly can make strides forward, and then
there may be things that come up in the workforce that make us take
a couple steps back. And everyone again is different in that
respect.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:29:05]:
Thank you for sharing that. Oh, you're welcome. I'm gonna move us
into our theme based questions for the season. Again, our theme
this season is the past, present, and future of student affairs. So
I've got one question for you on each theme. On the past, what's
one component of the history of the student affairs profession that
you think we should continue to carry forward or alternatively let
go of?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:29:25]:
That's a big question. I think the idea that student affairs is
often pegged as the group that is responsible for all things
students outside of the classroom, and that's a big answer. But I
think sometimes when there are challenges with students or even
just someone's, like, saying, well, our students go home on the
weekends. You gotta get them to stay here. You know, it it falls on
student affairs. Right? I think, like anything, as we move along in
higher ed, I think efforts are being made more and more to undo
silos. And that goes with student affairs in our tasks, that a lot
of our tasks and our skill set are specifically focused on student
development and how to help our students grow and thrive, but also
it truly takes a village. And actually, I think sometimes the best
responses to some challenging situations.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:30:24]:
And I think this most, like, most recently with all of the protests
and demonstrations last year is really, like, a whole campus
effort. And so I think that's one thing of letting go of is
thinking, okay, that sometimes a whole community resolution to
challenging situations is better than any one division. So that's a
long answer to one thing to maybe get rid of, but it's shifting
away from the silos. I think it's something that a higher ed in
general is doing and is moving in a great direction.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:30:50]:
On the present, what's happening in the field right now that's
going well for student affairs?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:30:54]:
I think going back to health and wellness, I think that really at
this point in time, there is so much focus in a positive way on
student well-being. I think sadly, it came because of the pandemic
and that we had talked for years about the mental health crisis of
students. But I think the pandemic shifted that in a way that it
was the mental health crisis, but also acknowledging the power of
relationships and the idea of loneliness and social isolation and
the digital environment, which can sometimes be unhealthy. And so I
think as a result, what we're seeing is much more of a proactive
prevention approach and also more of a public health lens in
looking at student well-being, which I think is excellent. And I'm
really excited to see that.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:31:45]:
And the future. In an ideal world, what does the field need to do
to thrive towards our future?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:31:51]:
I think if talking specifically about student affairs now, I think
we really need to look at how we develop our newer professionals in
the field. And what I mean by this is is we have a lot of wonderful
people come in. They're excited about the work. And you do see
newer professionals, I think more so than in the past. And I don't
have data to support this. So this is just my anecdotal piece, but
feeling like more often than in the past, they're choosing to leave
higher ed after a few years. And I think there's lots of things
that can play a role into that. It could be that maybe they find a
role elsewhere where the salary's higher or they may say, oh, if if
I go work here, I can work remote all the time, and I don't have to
come into campus, or I don't have to be on call.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:32:40]:
And so there's always a reason why anyone could leave any job. But
I think there's so many rewards in higher education and in student
affairs that outweigh these other things. And I think what we
really need to do is when newer professionals come to the field and
start that we really need to focus on supporting them and as they
grow into their roles to going back to the the check-in piece to
check-in with people to provide professional development so that
they see a path forward to and get excited about training
opportunities, mentoring relationships, professional development
opportunities, I think that can go a long way down the road. And so
I think moving forward, that's something we really need to do. We
have a lot of people in student affairs retiring or close to
retirement age. And as we think about the profession, it's really
important as the next generation moves in that they really love
this work and stick around.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:33:42]:
It's time to take a quick break and toss it over to producer Chris
to learn what's going on in the NASPA world.
Chris (Producer) [00:33:47]:
Thanks, Jill. So excited to be back in the NASPA world, and there's
a ton of things happening in NASPA. The twenty twenty five TPE,
better known as the placement exchange, will be having its spring
placement career fair coming up on February 20 with interviews
happening on March 3 through the seventh. Registration for these
events closes on February 17. This spring placement event brings
together highly talented student affairs candidates and top
employers in a fully virtual setting. Spring placement offers a
unique opportunity for personalized candidate screening and
interview experiences. If you are currently looking for your next
position or your first position, TPE is a great place to go to be
able to be able to find opportunities and to be able to search
further for your future career. If you wanna find out more, go to
the placementexchange.org.
Chris (Producer) [00:34:41]:
That's all one word, the placementexchange.org. Just recently, the
Journal of Women and Gender in Higher Education put out a call for
manuscripts for the 2027 special issue. The Journal of Women and
Gender in Higher Education is going to be having a special issue
called Diasporic Black Women, Global Insights for the Future of
Higher Education. This special issue aims to elevate the
perspectives of Black women who are epistemologically committed to
knowledge generation in and through the global South. By curating
articles that center diasporic black women's insight and
theorizations, the journal is seeking to explore solutions and
possibilities for a more equitable and emancipatory future in
higher education. All NASPA members should have received a email
about this. And if you have a manuscript that you would like to
submit, manuscripts must be a maximum of 25 double spaced pages and
follow APA style and submissions are due by 06/15/2025. Another
professional development opportunity that's coming up is the
Collaborate twenty twenty five conference.
Chris (Producer) [00:35:51]:
Collaborate twenty twenty five is an innovative global partnership
in student affairs and services between NASPA, IUCAA, which is the
European University College Association, and SAI or Student Affairs
Ireland. Collaborate twenty twenty five will be hosted by Munster
Technological University. This conference will be happening June 18
through June 20 in Cork, Ireland. And it is an amazing opportunity
to be able to bring together people from both Europe, The United
States, and beyond to be able to come together to find new ways to
work collaboratively together in helping our students succeed.
Highly encourage you to check out this great professional
development experience. You can find out more at
iuca,euca,.eu/collaborate-2020five. To stay on the international
theme, another international conference that's coming up is the
nineteenth annual Manasa NASPA conference, which is happening April
27 to April 30 in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. The MANASA NASPA
conference provides student affairs professionals with the
knowledge and skills to effectively address and support college
students.
Chris (Producer) [00:37:02]:
MANASA, which stands for Middle East, North Africa, South, as well
as NYU Abu Dhabi, invites you to the nineteenth annual MANASA NASPA
conference that's going to be held in The United Arab Emirates on
Sunday, April 27 through Wednesday, 04/30/2025. This three day
conference is an opportunity to connect with colleagues regionally
and abroad. The topic of the conference this year is Beyond
Borders, exploring global and local perspectives on student
experience in the Manassa area. Student affairs is playing a vital
role in shaping students' experiences in higher education
institutions. The nineteenth Manassa Conference Organizing
Committee invites you to participate in this great conference
that's going to bring together people from around the world and
help you to be able to identify new opportunities to connect with
your students on a different level and connect with students
globally on a different level. Highly encourage you to check out
the conference for yourself. There is a schedule at a glance that
is out on the NASPA website. If you go under events on the NASPA
website, you'll be able to find out more on this conference as well
as being able to register for the conference.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:14]:
We currently are in the regular registration rate, so you can still
register to attend this amazing conference. Every week, we're going
to be sharing some amazing things that are happening within the
association. So we are going to be able to try and keep you up to
date on everything that's happening and allow for you to be able to
get involved in different ways because the association is as strong
as its members. And for all of us, we have to find our place within
the association, whether it be getting involved with the knowledge
community, giving back within one of the the centers or the
divisions of the association. And as you're doing that, it's
important to be able to identify for yourself. Where do you fit?
Where do you wanna give back? Each week, we're hoping that we will
share some things that might encourage you, might allow for you to
be able to get some ideas that will provide you with an opportunity
to be able to say, Hey, I see myself in that knowledge community. I
see myself doing something like that. Or encourage you in other
ways that allow for you to be able to think beyond what's available
right now to offer other things to the association, to bring your
gifts, your talents to the association and to all of the members
within the association.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:35]:
Because through doing that, all of us are stronger and the
association is better. Tune in again next week as we find out more
about what is happening in NASPA.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:39:46]:
Chris, thank you so much for helping us learn what's going on in
and around NASPA. And, Melinda, we've got our lightning round for
you. So I've got seven questions for you to answer in about ninety
seconds. You ready to roll? I am. Alright. Question number one. If
you were a conference keynote speaker, what would your entrance
music be?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:40:04]:
Oh, this is a tough question. I think it would be something from
Hamilton, actually. I'm not sure which one, but something with a
little attitude.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:40:15]:
Number two, when you were five years old, what did you wanna be
when you grew up?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:40:19]:
Maybe a nurse. I think I wanted to be a nurse back then.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:40:21]:
Number three, who's your most influential professional mentor?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:40:24]:
There are a number of people I see as mentors, but I think the one
that has had the greatest impact me, this is not lightning round,
but I'll make it quick, is a former supervisor of mine years ago
who has since retired, doctor Suzanne Conley at Framingham State
University because of two things. One, she saw potential in me. She
helped me get recognized for my work, and she was very transparent.
And I always appreciated knowing what she was thinking, and I feel
like I have carried that transparency with me. And also, she had a
great sense of humor, and I also feel like I bring humor more to my
work. So she say shaped me into the professional I am.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:41:05]:
Number four, your essential student affairs read.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:41:07]:
Okay. In the spirit of a read that makes me not stressed out and
takes me away from work, I would say I would use anything by
Stephen King as an escape from reality. And sometimes, you know,
you see scenarios that you're like, as a student affairs
professional, I could handle that. So that's my essential student
affairs read.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:41:30]:
Number five, the best TV show you've been binging lately.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:41:33]:
That's a tough question because I don't watch a lot of TV, but I've
been watching Jeopardy almost every night for as long as I can
remember. Even when I was in college, I recorded whatever. So I say
Jeopardy.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:41:45]:
Number six, the podcast you've spent the most hours listening to in
the last year.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:41:49]:
This is very sad, but I don't really listen to podcasts.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:41:53]:
And finally, number seven, any shout outs you'd like to give
personal or professional? Ugh.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:41:58]:
Well, I am going to give a shout out to my family. And that's
David, my husband, and my daughter Molly, who is in college and my
daughter Addison. And I say that because, you know, at the end of
the day, they're there with me. And as we talk about sort of highs
and lows in our life, like, they're not the highs and lows. I mean,
they are, but they're also there for me in moments of highs and
lows. And so talk about people who, you know, always have your
back. So I'm shouting out to my family.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:42:27]:
Melinda, it's been so valuable to learn from you today and to hear
your insights on what's going on to support each other in the space
of student affairs. If anyone would like to reach you after the
show, how can they find you?
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:42:38]:
Sure. The best way to find me would be on LinkedIn, Melinda Stoops.
You will see me right there, and I would be happy to connect with
you and feel free to message me.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:42:48]:
Melinda, thank you so much for sharing your voice with us
today.
Dr. Melinda Stoops [00:42:50]:
Thanks, Jill.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:42:56]:
This has been an episode of SA Voices from the Field, a podcast
brought to you by NASPA. This show is made possible because of you,
the listeners, and we continue to be grateful that you spend your
time with us. If you'd like to reach the show, you can always email
us at essayvoices@nasa.org or find me on LinkedIn by searching for
doctor Jill L. Creighton. We always welcome your feedback and your
topic and guest suggestions. We'd love it if you you take a moment
to tell a colleague about the show, and please leave us a five star
rating on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening
now. It really helps other student affairs professionals find our
show and helps us to become more visible in the larger podcasting
community. This episode was produced and hosted by doctor Jill
Creighton.
Dr. Jill Creighton [00:43:35]:
That's me. Produced and audio engineered by doctor Chris Lewis.
Special thanks to the University of Michigan Flint for your support
as we create this project. Catch you next time.